Essentials: Four Books Every Sophisticated Woman Should Read

Every great artist must start with a foundational education. As legend has it, Picasso, the man responsible for Cubism, made his students attempt to draw a perfect circle. And Jackson Pollack was well known for his excellent drawing skills before he started splattering paint all over canvases.

Thus, though the point of sophistication is to develop one’s own best self, we must first learn some basics on which to build our own unique interpretations. Only once you know how to draw well can you deconstruct the foundation and make the art your own.

So, we come to my Four Books Every Sophisticated Woman Should Read. As much as I normally eschew “top ten” lists because they are so narrow and ultimately leave so many things out, these books are an excellent place to begin.

Emily Post’s Etiquette: 18thEdition

By Peggy Post, Anna Post, Lizzie Post, and Daniel Post Senning

We’re all familiar with Emily Post. Unfortunately, many connote Post’s name and etiquette itself with a form of stiffness or snobbery. I beg to differ. Post herself wrote, “Whenever two people come together and their behavior affects one another, you have etiquette.” And as the authors point out in the 18^th Edition, “In this fast-paced society with its multiple demands, it’s all the more important to be intentional about using common courtesies in our everyday interactions.” How true that is.

The new edition covers everything from weddings to emails to “personal image.” My favorite chapters are Social Networking, Workplace Relationships, and Around Town (etiquette for driving). I find myself consulting the 18^th Edition when I’m not sure what to do about a situation and need some guidance. But I also like to peruse the book now and then to pick up tidbits that might never have come to mind.

The Art of Conversation

By Catherine Blyth

Blyth’s book is not long, but does contain considerable depth. It offers not only conversational “tips,” but also reasons why conversation is still important, even in the text-and-Facebook-centric 21^st Century. The Introduction alone is a sharp reminder that human interaction is vital. Consider this sentiment: “Isolation magnifies disconnect and disenchantment. Many more of us live alone, frequently bombarded by images of lifestyles to dream of, all of which feeds a sense of existence as a performance that we’re failing at.” The answer, according to Blyth, is human interaction, which includes the mostly-forgotten Art of Conversation.

Forever Chic: Frenchwomen’s Secrets for Timeless Beauty, Style, and Substance

By Tish Jett

Jett, the author of the blog “Une Femme d’un Certain Age,” has lived in France for some years and seeks to share what it is about French women that gives them that “je ne sais quoi” quality. This book is a bit imbalanced, as some of the material I would never recommend, but most of the material is absolutely inspiring and life changing. So here I will list the “Pros” and “Cons” to the book. (Cons first.)

Cons:

·       -All of the absurd “tips” on expensive and ridiculous skin treatments. Don’t do those things to your skin. Just take good, natural care of it. Skip the trends.

·       -The ridiculous over-statements about eating and self-control. In one particularly aggravating section of the book, we are told that French women only eat one bite of “gateau” and walk away. Also, apparently, they never get drunk. While moderation is key, and drinking to excess is not exactly attractive or considerate of others, let’s not judge ourselves by unrealistic standards.

·       -The overgeneralization of an entire country’s women, in general.

Pros

·       -The value of discipline that Jett stresses concerning French women was enough for me to finally begin taking good care of my skin every single night.

·       -Tips on building a timeless wardrobe without losing a unique sense of self and style that turns heads and inspires confidence.

·      - The idea that women should never “apologize” to men for their changing bodies.

·       -The most important point: Jett’s italics in her subtitle: and Substance. This is vital. Jett emphasizes that one cannot merely change or maintain one’s appearance. Having that “je ne sais quoi” quality and sophistication inherently means being an interesting person—intelligent, well-read, culturally engaged and informed, and participatory in aspects of society that many Americans tend to ignore.

The Women’s Retreat Book

By Jennifer Louden

The author of The Woman’s Comfort Book (another personal favorite) sums this book up well with the subtitle: “A Guide to Restoring, Rediscovering, and Reawakening Your True Self—in a Moment, an Hour, or a Weekend.”

Part of being a whole, mature, and sophisticated woman is knowing when to take time for oneself. In my teens and twenties, I thrived on time spent with others, and never really made time to recharge my Self. I know some of my mama friends who struggle to gain time for themselves, and who feel guilty when they do.

Louden emphasizes the importance of aloneness and the difference between isolation and retreat. She offers many tips on how to constructively and therapeutically use alone time. My favorite thing to do is to use Louden’s “Check-In” (pp. 75-76) as a journaling exercise when I find myself feeling bored, lonely, frustrated, stuck—it works for everything!

I hope one of these books (or each of them!) strikes you as they strike me. There are so many good books and blogs out there, and I’m excited to share more soon!

Yours,

Kate